Happy Wheels Very entertaining so here's an overly wordy review
I went into this game with no knowledge of what to expect, aside from it being a 2D moto-racer type thing. Let's just say I was surprised.
Initially I chose the business-type on a Segway because there's nobody I'd rather make do a backflip onto his skull than a double-wheeled douche. So I selected my accountant and jumped head first into the first level. Well, I assume I did because it locked up several times on my way there, but I blame that on my computer that's almost older than I am.
So the game starts and in a curious moment I decide it'd be better to find out what's behind me, because who the hell goes forward. I slam my Segway into R, happening upon a landmine which shoots me 100 feet into the air. What goes up must come down, so there I went. But having no expectations other than this being a regular 2d racer, you can imagine my surprise when, upon landing, several pieces of leg decide to liberate themselves from my body.
I was literally shocked! I was amazed, and through fits of laughter I realised that apparently having parts of your legs dangling by threads isn't quite the handicap it used to be. Perhaps he was simply in shock from being blown half a mile skyward. So postponing applying for a handicapped parking space card, I decided to venture onward at the maximum speed my paltry 1-stroke 2-wheel stick of death would allow.
The next parts of the level seemed simple enough: slight hill here, moving wheel there. Parts of my leg had snagged on the rope bridge, tearing them quite painfully (I assume) from what used to be my standing equipment. It extracted another amused guffaw from my mouth, just in time for the other dangling legbit to be crushed between two moving platforms like an impatient-but-slow old man making his way to an elevator.
I gave up on my legless chum once he failed to make a measly jump across a 300-foot wide chasm before plummeting to his death and making an equally long fall towards hell. He did explode nicely though so I feel I got my money's worth. But it was time to start anew! I plucked myself another double-wheeled businessman from the production line and decided that this time I was going to make it! NO damage! NO missing limbs!
I sped forward through the slight hills and the somewhat ramps and the rotating wheels, hoping to make the jump onto an oddly floating platform. I hit the ramp at maximum speed (which for a Segway is slightly underneath turtle-with-broken-legs-crawling) but soon began to notice that this jump wasn't going quite to plan. I fell short, and the floating rock BROKE MY FUCKING HEAD OFF. INSTANT DECAPITATION. No bruises, no concussions, no slightly bloodied nose, just a complete separation of spinal column!
Once again I was shocked. I had to wait a while before I could actually resume play. I restarted once again and decided no matter how much I wanted to, my slave to the corporate world just wasn't quite fit for the extreme sport that is Segwaying and opted for a more family friendly approach; the man with a child strapped in, on a classic push bike.
Once again I wait a few minutes for my computer to stop seizing and making sounds like a blender full of gravel, and dive back into the first mission, brimming with belief in my father figure because I'm totally not compensating for anything. But once again, my curiosity got the better of me, and I began to wonder exactly how shrapnel-proof my child's babyseat was.
I shouldn't have. I backed slowly over the patient landmine, and MY CHILD WAS COMPLETELY VAPORISED. Well, mostly, anyway. Complete with a horrifyingly authentic scream which honestly made my day a little. Speeding on from the (now) crime scene, past and over pieces of what used to be my child, I couldn't help but appreciate the little things in this game.
I mean, sure, that's the central theme. Ride around, fuck yourself up enough to make you laugh but not so much there's little more than a wheel and a couple of spokes making it across the finish line. It's all done really, really well. I award you a full 10 stars for a game very well done, sir!